Sunday

WG? Hit# 874, Tallahassee FL

Bug went to PT yesterday and then came home, showered, and went out to his girlfriend until about 11:00 pm. Petunia went to school, ate, watched a bit of movie and then took a long nap. Sharky took a couple of naps. He needs to nap more today to prepare for more night work this week.

My computer is still in pieces, can't upload linux or drivers because our internet connection is too slow. The washer is still backed up, and so is the freaking kitchen sink now. Used a ton of Liquid Plumr stuff and it didn't work. So what is up? Is it just time for all the stuff to go wrong or is it the beginning of the new year and fate wants us to suffer a bit?

Sharky has to go back to work today. I was supposed to go to the Warrior Women meeting but if I have to drive him, etc., then I cannot go. So frustrating. I don't blame him at all, I'm grateful he has a job. I'm just irritated that his boss is so uncommunicative.

I miss Malcolm so badly. I think I see him under the coffee table, but its just some black shoes in the shadows. I think I see him on my bed, but no, its just a pair of black jeans. I peek behind the shower curtain and under the dining room table and in the kitchen cupboards. I listen for his bell or his calling for me... I keep doing it over and over and THEN realize he's no longer with us.

Friends have sent me links to local sites with cats, both young and old, and I look. But everyone I see makes me wonder about my relationship with Malcolm. Will I ever have another cat who loves me as much as he did? Can I love another cat the way I loved him? He was so much more than a pet, he was more than a familiar, he was like an animal soul mate. He knew me. He trusted me. He gave me unconditional love. Replacing him would be like replacing a child. Yes, I know the difference between an animal and a human being, but with him, those bonds between owner/cat and mother/son were a little blurred. I know it sounds crazy - most people would assume things like that with a dog, not a cat. But his little soul knew mine and I don't think I'll ever have that again...